One of the more common questions that’s been posed to me over the years involves what I think an owner should do about pressure coming from other horse owners regarding the treatment that an owner has given to his or her own horse. For some reason, it seems that when one person’s horse has a problem or concern, other people may feel compelled – or entitled – to give comments, suggestions, or opinions about the best course of action that you should take. Never mind that you’ve gone out of your way to work with someone who has spent a good bit of time learning about and working with horses (e.g., your veterinarian), there often seems to be someone to tell you 1) Why just about everything you’re doing is wrong and/or 2) What you should be doing, instead. After all, they may have access to Dr. Google.
This would be funnier if it weren’t so annoying, and often unpleasant. While I appreciate the fact that other people have a genuine interest in horses – and not just their own – unfortunately, that interest sometimes extends to your horse. Here’s where someone else’s opinion may not necessarily be welcome. Add to that the fact that if you don’t accept that person’s opinion as the last, true word, that person may also feel compelled to start spreading the idea that you don’t really care about your horse. For example, here’s a question from a reader (cross-posted with permission).
“I have your book Consumer’s Guide to Alternative Therapies in the Horse, and it has helped me understand some of the therapies popular with the people at my barn. I board at a place with about 25 horses, and the barn uses a vet who is heavily steeped in CAM. As far as I know, my horse is the only one not getting some kind of alternative treatment on a regular basis. I’m curious to know if you have advice for me on the social aspects of rejecting these therapies. The barn owner, trainer, manager, vet, and the other boarders push bodywork, chiro, Reiki, acupuncture, MagnaWave, light therapy, animal communicators (!!), or supplements. Interestingly, most of the horses at this barn are in some stage of rehab, brought on by the belief that something is wrong. At my previous barn (which used a different vet), there was no CAM and not one horse was in a state of continual rehab. The downside of my rejecting CAM for my horse is that I am starting to look neglectful in the eyes of the other horse owners, and I assume I am the subject of barn gossip as a result. How do I reject alternative medicine without looking like I’m not caring for my horse?”
All concerns and questions about CAM (Complementary and Alternative Medicine) aside – and there are plenty of those, to be sure – I do believe that this sort of problem can extend to just about every area of care of the horse, be it hoof, hair, parasites, supplements, etc., etc. I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I have some suggestions. Take them at your own risk.
1. Ask a ton of questions
The king of questions
Let’s say that someone is pressuring you to have your horse, “adjusted.” The numerous inanities of chiropractic make it great fodder for questions. For example, you could ask exactly what the procedure does. Or, you could ask the question posed to me by a very nice man from Alabama a couple of decades back, who was getting his Masters Degree at the now defunct Los Angeles College of Chiropractic, when I was regularly attending rounds there (out of curiosity). He asked, “Dave, how the heck is a person supposed to adjust a horse?” I mean, how should I know – and this was from a chiropractor (a graduate of a school of chiropractic, not some self-proclaimed one?
Maybe you could ask how long they’ve been doing the treatments, or what effect they’ve seen over the years, and why treatment has to be done all the time. Ask what condition was identified that needed treatment and ask to see the evidence for its existence (I mean, it should be pretty to show if a rib is out of place). If you want to be snarky, you can ask them how much extra money they have to spend and if there aren’t better uses for it. Keep asking questions – you’ll probably find that the person can’t answer them, is embarrassed to answer them, and/or gets tired of answering them, and eventually just goes away. Keep asking enough questions and at the very least you can be annoying and maybe make them stop coming to you.
2. Just say “No.”
Look the person in the eye, and say, “No” directly, and with authority. You may find that the more direct and confident you are in your refusal, the less people will bother you. Takes a bit of backbone, but it can be done.
3. Follow-up on your “No” with a a positive statement.
If you want to be less direct, you might also try to think of something nice to say. For example, if you’re turning down an offer to have someone shine little points of colored light on your horse’s legs, say something like, “I’ve had really good luck doing what I’m doing, but thanks for your concern.”
4. Don’t be afraid to repeat yourself.
5. Try to avoid the situation in the first place.
Find times to work on your horse when there’s less potential for an encounter. Go to the barn earlier in the morning, or later at night. Try to find times to go to the barn that are inconvenient for other people. When you see them, make your exit. It’s hard, but not necessarily impossible.
6. Buddy up
Find a stable mate who shares your values and try to spend time at the barn when that person is there. In numbers there is strength. It’s a lot harder for someone to break in on two people than it is for someone to bother one. You can talk to your new buddy about the pressure that you’re getting from other people in the barn – your new buddy might be experiencing the same thing. It can help to know that you’re not alone.
7. Find your own ridiculous thing to do.
If you’re getting pressure to do something that you think is ridiculous, why not have some fun? Do your own ridiculous thing. Be a little crazy. Get a big crystal of something or other and rub it up and down your horse’s back. Complain that your horse cannot possible eat supplements without capers. Hang a rubber chicken in front of the stall to keep out the evil spirits. Build a spirit altar. Then, when you’re asked about doing something to affect your horse’s “energy,” you can say that you’re already on it. Make up some chart of the daily energy fluctuations and offer to go over it with the other person. Let them think you’re the one that’s crazy.
The problem with this approach is 1) You have to be able to keep a straight face, and 2) You may develop your own cult following. But it might work.
8. Confront the people who are bothering you
This takes a lot of gumption, and it can also generate some hard feelings if you’re not careful. If you’re being bothered by someone, you might try to find someplace to talk to them alone, and explain how all of this pressure makes you feel, that you love your horse, that you’re doing your best, and then ask him/her to get off your case.
9. Don’t buy into the idea that everyone’s doing it.
This goes back to the old question from Mom; “If everyone else was jumping off a cliff, would you do it, too?” In the horse world, the fact is that everyone’s NOT doing it (whatever “it” is). Much of what is done to and for horses is not really being done for the horses anyway, rather, it’s being done because of a particular person’s worldview, or preferences. For example, there’s no objective data to indicate that a red blanket is better than a blue one, but people certainly do have their choices. There’s very little evidence to indicate that most of the things that will be suggested to maintain or “rehabilitate” your horse are any more effective than just giving your horse time off to heal (when necessary), and letting him move around freely when he’s OK. Horses will put up with just about anything but whether a particularly “anything” is actually doing anything for the horse is another question entirely.
10. Buy and bunch of blue ribbons and hang them in front of your stall.
This goes along with the idea of doing your own ridiculous thing. Show everyone how great you and your horse are. It’s the same idea as when I take a trophy out and set it on the kitchen stove when I’m cooking dinner for friends, telling my guests that I’m making my “award winning” bread pudding. I don’t tell them that my bread pudding won the trophy – I just put a trophy out on the kitchen counter. I let them make whatever association they want. If I’m thought to be winning trophies, how bad can things be?
11. Speak out if someone else is in your same boat.
If you find someone who is having the same troubles as you are, step in and take the side of the underdog. That shows that you’re confident in what you’re doing, and maybe you’ll make a new friend, to boot.
12. Evaluate your friendships.
It’s certainly great when a barn is a fun and supportive social experience. But if other horse owners are constantly bugging you to do (and pay for) something you’re not comfortable with, remember that they’re probably not really that good a friend. Real friends like you for who you are, not for who they want you to be, or for what they think you should be doing.
13. Find a new barn
As a last resort, if you’ve decided that you just can’t take it anymore, you may just want to stop beating your head into the wall. There are probably barns out there whose members share your values and interests, or who are at least somewhat less nosy.
Always keep in mind that your opinion counts, when it comes to your own horse. You care about your horse, and you’re doing your best. If your horse is acting normally, that’s the best he can be (there’s no “super” normal). If you have concerns about the advice you’re being given, reach out for second opinions to qualified experts who don’t have any skin in the game (for example, experts at regional veterinary schools). If you’re taking care of your horse, and your horse looks good and feels good, then you’re probably doing all that you need to do, and your horse is most likely the better off for it.
